The Fear of Falling Again💙

Hey… this is me again.

Have you ever felt that moment when you try so hard not to go back to that phase of your life - the one where you felt chosen, but ended up hurt in a relationship? When you promise yourself you won’t fall for any guy again… but somehow, you still look for someone? 

The surprising part is that I always search for someone who feels like a mirror of myself. But I never find that. I always end up meeting someone completely opposite to my personality. Somewhere, I once read that “opposites attract.” But I think I’m not ready to face someone who is opposite to me in a negative way.

The guy I met now is also opposite… but in a different way - in a positive way.

I don’t know whether we will become one in the future or remain two separate people. But he once told me something that shook me. He said that what I felt in the past that crazy, intense attachment - wasn’t love. It was attraction.

Before him, no one had ever explained things to me so calmly and wisely. My friends had warned me that the previous guy wasn’t right for me. But I was blindly in love....or just trying to adjust in that relationship. And in just one hour of talking, he made me realize that maybe it wasn’t love at all. He explained what real love feels like.

At that moment, I felt like someone was holding up a mirror in front of me — showing me the truth, right and wrong. Like there was some magic in his words.

It hasn’t even been that many days since we started talking. But our thoughts feel similar. Sometimes it feels like either I speak or he does — the meaning is the same.

He’s a topper. I’m average.

He handles things calmly. I live in chaos.

He is smart. I don’t think I’m that smart.

We are opposites… yet sometimes it feels like we are the same.

I don’t know what will happen in the future. But when I see him smiling, I melt. When he feels sad, he doesn’t even have to say anything — it shows in his eyes. His eyes are the prettiest I’ve ever seen, and when they look sad, I feel heavy inside. Tears come naturally.

I always said I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want marriage. But when I talk to him, my thoughts start changing. It’s like a new personality comes out of me.

Maybe everything feels good because it’s new.

Or maybe it’s just a dream that might break soon.

And that’s what scares me - what if this time I actually fall in love the way he describes real love and how it feels ?